Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
