This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
