apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
