she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
