How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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