I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
