Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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