I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
