So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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