FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
