If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
