I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
