what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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