3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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