adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
