It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Come on in and take your pants off
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