I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize