i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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