Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize