So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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