i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
