we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
