dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
