it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
