if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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