All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
