Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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