I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
