I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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