my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
