So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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