If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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