You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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