A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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