I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
