Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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