Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
