If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
