If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
