Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
