I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
