Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
