how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
