So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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