...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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