If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize