we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize