He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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