Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize