Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
