dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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