I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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