Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
