okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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