What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize