fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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