I wish I could teleport
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
