I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am spending my child support on dildos
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize