i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
