How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
