U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
