He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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