i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
