Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dear god my vagina.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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