I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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