if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
