Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
