got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
No subtext here. People are naked.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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