You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
