Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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