yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
