i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
