I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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