Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
